More to Life than Me

My baby boy will be here soon and I have the best wife a man could ask for.
I cry every time I think of what God's given me, I couldn't ask for more.
My family's close and they've all supported me through hard times.
Even when I felt I was through, when I just felt like dyin.

I never knew I could love this much, or this hard.
I've fallen to my knees before God and let him in my heart.
I wanna be the man my son can respect and learn to be.
It should be easy with the people who surround me.

His mama loves me more than I've ever deserved.
Even when I've pushed her to the limit, down to her last nerve.
Now she's made my life worth living even longer.
She's made my heart stronger.

I've got friends most would die for.
They've been there for years to help me off the floor.
You all know who you are.
No matter how much life throws our way, know that our friendship can still go that far.

My parents have done there best to raise me right.
To them I'd say I'm sorry for all the sleepless nights.
I know someday soon I'll know how hard that was to sit and stare at the wall.
But I know you'll be there to answer my midnight calls.

To my siblings, you all make me a better man.
I'll never be able to thank you enough and I know I can't.
We have so many times together I'll never forget.
Taking for granted the time we had as kids I'll always regret.

I've got some of the most generous and loving grandparents a man could ask for.
The love you all have given me guides me through everyone of life's doors.
I'm sorry that it seems I've forgotten where I came from.
Seems that work and life passes time til you've got none.

I pray that through me my baby boy will learn what not to do.
I pray he never forgets to find time for me and all of you.
I hope he gets his family values from the one's who have always loved me.
You people have no idea how much or how often you've helped me see.

You helped see that there's more to life than just me.

To my family, friends, and beautiful wife,
Thank you all and I couldn't have made it this far in my life without any one of you. If it ever seems you haven't heard from me as often as you should, call me on it. It seems like I get caught up in taking care of society and forget about my own family sometimes. I'm still learning how to juggle both but I'm trying my best. Soon I'll have a son to open eyes a little wider. To him I say, Son, never forget your roots. No matter how deep life gets, Its never to deep for us, We don't wear tennis shoes, we wear boots. I love you son and Your coming to a wonderful family. You'll see in time. I love all of you and I hope you enjoy what I've wrote.

My Reason for Living

Yesterday I learned about you.
I learned you were on your way.
I can only think of all the things we'll do.
Yesterday your mom made my day.

Tomorrow we'll know when your coming to meet us.
I can't wait until I can see your face.
Your mom tells me not to rush.
She's scared to bring you into this place.

Your mom has always had the warmest of hearts.
I worried she would realize I'm not worthy of her love.
Loving me has to be hard.
But for her I guess it was enough.

I couldn't have asked God for a better surprise.
But I'm scared I won't be everything you need.
Last night I sat up, I could already hear your cries.
I'll give you all the love I possess, I'll be all you want me to be.

God only knows when we're ready.
He'll keep you safe from harm.
My hands and heart will remain steady,
Until you steal me away with your charm.

I'll teach you everything I know.
We'll learn things together.
I hope our lives go by slow.
The longer I have with you, the better.

I'll always remember those 2 pink lines.
They've changed my life completely.
I can't get you off my mind.
I can't wait til you get to meet me.


I'll see you soon sweet baby.
With All My Love,
Daddy

Not My Time

I can see the bullet spiraling towards me.
I pulled the trigger with it held to my head.
Its too late to turn back now, I'm dead.

Who's gonna notice when I'm not around?
It happened so fast I didn't hear a sound.
It should be over.

Still I can feel the pain.
I can feel the one hundred and eighty grain.
It runs through my blood like fire on my skin.

The lead is hot as Hell.
I'm not sure if Heaven's calling me.
In this life there were many times I failed.

Now I hear voices of demons.
I'm wondering if Satan's freed them.
I see a flash of light.
My eyes are opening, the demons wear white.

I jerk away and realize I'm alive.
Why haven't I died?
The people in white cause me to fail once again.
They don't even know where I've been.

Strangers in my room call themselves family.
When I was well they only damned me.
I close my eyes and beg to be taken away.
A voice from a distance answers me,
Today is not your day.

Will everyone remain the same?
Will they continue to curse my name?
Words hurt as much as sticks and stones.
Sometimes they cut you to the bone.

Think when you move your hateful tongue.
You could be the reason someone dies young.

Look Ahead

I'm selfish, I'm not willing to share.
Time, no matter how long you get, its never fair.
Age, Its just a number given to us so we can determine our death.
Why exactly would I want to know when my body will be laid to rest?

You always get what you think you need.
No one knows appreciation like the man who works til his hands bleed.
I'm gonna be a father, But wait.
I'm too young, and apparently so is fate.

Maybe I'll drink.
But the more poison I put down my throat, the lower I sink.
Where is my pick me up?
She's left me for becoming a drunk.

It numbs the pain.
My mood begins to resemble the rain.
Dark, dreary, and more prone to disaster.
I find myself wishing life would pass me by faster.

A woman. One that will put you flat on your back.
She's beautiful, hair long and black.
She'll steal your heart.
But before you can blink your eyes, its all torn apart.

You'll go your separate ways.
Your paths cross in 1,825 days.
You both live different lives.
You wish you could go back to that year, wondering what happened to the last five.

Without ever thinking twice you'll walk.
Knowing you may never see her again, still you barely even talk.
Regret only what you've missed.
The future is new, temptation is all thats left to resist.

The devil wears the color pink.
A thirsty man always finds himself a drink.
Tear off that rear view mirror.
The road ahead is all you should fear.

Faith

Faith is believing in what you can not see.
Faith is doing what you know you need.

Faith is a baby girl with big blue eyes.
The world hurts everytime she cries.

Faith is a mother who raises a child on her own.
Only asking that her baby have a better life than she's ever known.

Faith is a young man over seas fighting for reasons we've lost sight of.
He'll never forget when he thinks of the innocent people he loves.

Faith is here when you feel you can't move anymore.
Its the only thing left picking me up off the floor.

The booze aren't taking the pain.
It just helps me to be functionally insane.

I stretch my arms to the sky.
Praying for an answer before I die.

Now I've never been good at religion.
But because of my faith I've always been willing to listen.

Even when the voices would say you don't stand a chance.
Faith reminded me to take a second glance.

Faith is knowing that He does exist.
Faith is the one thing in life impossible to resist.

He Can't Hurt You Again

My head is filled with thoughts of you.
What do I do when you no longer care?
I want to keep him from beating you black and blue.
He holds you with fear, with me you don't have to be scared.

He feels powerful when he swings his fist.
His eyes won't let him see whats coming his way.
He'll no longer put your life at risk.
Today is his day.

When he blinks, I'll be there.
Fear will run down his spine.
He'll begin to realize I'm everywhere.
He'll know when its his time.

Hitting women made him feel strong.
Now the table has turned.
He will know right from wrong.
His chest begins to burn.

He'll fear my presence.
Without saying a word, he'll know why.
Its time for some lessons.
His destiny is now for me to decide.

As fate sits in my hands,
He'll begin to plead.
He ruined her plans,
Now its time for him to bleed.

Fear no more pretty girl,
His blood is on my skin.
Its time you felt safe in this world,
God knows you've never been.

I'll watch from a distance.
How can I live without you in my life?
We can never be which condemns my existence.
Don't worry, I'll be alright.

Selfishness

Do you feel happy, yet insecure?
The two make life hard when combined.
Are you content or just unsure?
What more in this life is left to find?

I've loved and lost.
I've hated and forgiven.
I've learned what sin cost.
There's not much in life worth reliving.

I know there's more to life than this.
I just haven't found my reason.
When I'm given a clue I try to resist.
Its my hope for seeing another season.

Do I continue to rescue those in emotional distress?
Are my words even enough?
I keep putting myself to the test.
Only to find my soul's not that tough.

I can't keep going when I'm the wreck.
I should take my own advice.
My emotions need to be put in check.
My body is paying the price.

The bottle in my hand keeps me warm at night.
I know its burning me inside.
It blurs my sight,
but it clears my mind.

At twenty five, my worries are too plenty.
I should feel free.
Those that pretended to care condemn me.
My downfall is all they see.

I take all my energy to make those around me feel safe.
I get nothing in return.
I don't expect to be repaid.
What would a little compassion hurt?

I'll continue to do my part.
Just remember there are others in pain.
It really hurts my heart,
To know that my hospitality is taken in vain.

Happiness: Only One Mistake Away

All night long I stared at the ceiling.
The walls were closing in.
I wonder what I do with this feeling.
I hate that I've committed this sin.

When we shared that kiss,
I knew then that it was wrong.
But I'm scared of what I might miss,
I've wanted this for so long.

Do I close my eyes and pretend it was a dream?
Do I drift to sleep and pretend I don't care?
Maybe its not what it seems,
but that just wouldn't be fair.

The emotions are there and I know that they're real.
I just don't know what I'm suppose to do.
I don't know what I'm suppose to feel.
It makes it hard for me to breathe,
it makes it hard for me to move.

I tell her just to wait.
Give it a little longer,
Its in the hands of fate.
But I can't make her sit and wonder.

Life's too short.
We have no guarantees.
I don't know how long she can afford,
And it brings me to my knees.

Her happiness will keep me moving.
Even if its not with me.
But the sound of Us is soothing,
I ask God to let it be.

Now I can only watch,
enjoy the ride.
Life without her wouldn't be much,
I have to make her mine.

Nothing Left

Did you really expect me to stay,
When you have nothing left to say?
I have to move on from here.
I have to quit living in fear.
Fear that I might hurt you.
When all along, hurt is all you know to do.

I can't breathe when I'm around you.
If I don't go, my life is through.
How do I leave?
How do I take that leap?
I'm not sure I can live without you.
Its hard when thats all I'm used to.
Then there's the question,
What about all the time that I've invested?

All I have left to show is heartache.
I'm walking on glass,
Under me I hear it break.
I have to go.
All I have now is what I know.
This is all thats left of me.
Can't you see?
You took all the rest.
You've made me a mess.
I hope God has mercy on my soul,
because living with you has made it cold.

Don't Judge

Who knows what is real.
Why do people kill?

I could imagine what their reason.
Could it be, nothing in their life is pleasing?

Get out of my face, I don't need your shit.
Stick around and your ass may just get bit.

I don't like to be judged and neither do you.
Another word and your life will be through.

The world owes you nothing.
Still you think your mistreated.
If it was up to me your ass would be bleeding.

Just leave this town and never look back.
Turn your head my way and your gonna get smacked.

Its not ok for you to think.
Its not ok for you to speak.
Its not ok for you to breathe.
Its not ok for you to blink.

Your life isn't mine and for this I'm glad.
Don't even try to blame your life on your dad.

Its only your fault that you live on the streets.
Your lazy and thats why society calls you a deadbeat.

So get a a job and take care of yourself.
Only you control the hand your were dealt.

We all have the same opportunities to live a good life.
No matter how much this world caused you strife.

Lay on the curb and do nothing.
You don't have a chance.
Your just a bum.
I only spit your way, wouldn't dare take a second glance.

Society as a whole is much better than you.
Thats not saying much though.
They are pieces of shit too.
Atleast most of them don't live for the blow.

You move about only begging for change.
When the only change you need is in your pothetic life.
Why do you enjoy living this way?
Is it because its easy to have no responsibility?
You are full of fragility.

I'm feeling a little broken, damaged, and destroyed.
Like I've lost what keeps me poised.
Am I like this person in so many ways?
Just trying to find a way to pass the days.

Am I so selfish?
No care for anything or anyone.
How did I let myself get like this?
A hobo helped me to realize all I've done.

I judged him for being a drain.
When all the time I'm living my own life in vain.
I see now that we all have addictions.
Mine is distributing emotional afflictions.

I hope its not too late to receive forgiveness.
Maybe now I can live my life without regret and just for progress.
I'm sorry to all I have hurt.
I realize what brings out my worst.

It was me all along.
I bring out the worst in myself.
It was me who spoke so much wrong.
It was my choices that failed.

Love Ended

She's starting to come late.
It doesn't bother me anymore.
We're fighting everyday.
I should just walk out the door.

Its been open for a while.
I just can't seem to make it through.
Everytime I try,
She ask me why'd I say I do.

I should just leave without ever looking back.
Its really not that easy.
I want to get our love back on track.
But I'm not sure how much longer I can take this emotional beating.

We've been through alot of years.
Most have passed in anger.
We fought right through the tears.
We both knew our love was in danger.

One day we'll go our separate ways.
With nothing tying us together.
We'll both see brighter days.
Hopefully we'll both end up better.

I'll miss her and I hope she'll miss me.
Or atleast miss what we once shared.
It hurts right now but one day we will see.
Living life angry just isn't living life fair.

Too Late

I heard today that he was changing your last name.
I have only myself to blame.

I sat back and let you slip right through.
Now I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do.

I shouldn't have made you wait.
I can already hear the church bells ringing, I'm too late.

I realize the error of my ways.
I can't believe I let myself run out of days.

I shouldn't, but I wish I could stop all this.
There's so much of you I'm gonna miss.

May you have many days of happiness ahead.
I guess now I can move on, any chance for us is dead.

Its been hard loving you while holding another.
I messed up, waited too long, and now you found another lover.

He better treat you right.
He better know you need to be held at night.

You deserve the best there is.
I guess that's why I'm not him.

As long as your happy, I'll try to be.
Just remember when you see him standing at the altar,
I'll always wish it was me.